Do I need couples therapy?
"Even the longest walk begins with one small step" CONFUCIUS
Married life implies the need for meeting, and sometimes, of discrepancies and conflicts arise encounters, if not handled properly, if solutions are repeated unsuccessfully, if we generate emotional distress ... we face a conflict involving the intervention of a marriage therapist to resolve these situations, strengthen and consolidate the relationship, achieve a rewarding and fulfilling coexistence that allows the couple continue their journey through the best possible way.
The decision to go to couples therapy is not easy to take, because it involves recognizing that in our life there is a situation that is beyond us and, only U.S, we can not clarify. We need the support of a professional to help us understand what is happening and to find the resources needed to solve that scenario discomfort and emotional distress. Even so, knowing that we need help, we will postpone the decision. In some cases, because we think that letting time pass and things can change. Couple passing the time, sometimes, all we got, rather than a difference, It is to bring a higher level of dissatisfaction, frustration and anger because time heals everything. In others, shame "because one thing is that I know I can not fix what's going on and quite another is that others know". Show others that we are not perfect and feel uncomfortable so it is quite legitimate and very common, but something that can help to overcome it is to know that all therapeutic process takes place within a professional framework of absolute confidentiality, based on respect and mutual trust. On other occasions, we do not know where to turn or, most often, one of the members of the couple do not want to go. It's pretty hard to have proven references competence of a marriage therapist (but for people who they have undergone treatment). The only reliable criteria are trained and experienced psychologist. The success of therapy, to a large degree, It will depend on the professional skills and human worth of the therapist. Although not all titles, professional qualifications should facilitate our openly when we demand it, if it is not the case, it would be wise to seek another option. It can also be helpful information through the Official College of Psychologists. Forced to attend therapy who does not want, It makes no sense and no result. Ideally, both partners involved in the therapeutic process, but not a prerequisite. We understand the couple as a system, Thus, the change in one will produce changes in the other and, therefore, in how to interact. further, we usually postpone the decision for a certain skepticism about the effectiveness of psychotherapy. While, couples therapy is not a panacea to solve all the difficulties that arise in relationships, yes it is proven that the 60% of couples who use it manage to overcome their conflicts and overcome the crisis in which they are when they come to see. Of the 40% remaining, approximately 25% just separated, developing the painful process of breaking the best possible way and the other 15% no improvement in their living. It is therefore proven its effectiveness, because today is a useful resource for many couples who have problems in their relationships.
All couples argue, They distance themselves, at some time or another they have communication problems, They have to make tough decisions, difficulties in resolving their conflicts arise, live moments of discomfort and have even weighed in separate. While, every time one of these events happens we should not rush to therapy, but when these are extended and these situations lead us again and again hooked on useless and destructive discussions, reproaches and criticism in a vicious circle that is very difficult to escape, It is not advisable to wait to seek professional help. The most common warning signs that mark the deterioration in our relations are:
- A marked decrease in the affection and interest in the other, distancing, feelings of loneliness and emptiness and limitation of coexistence administrative matters from home.
- Not being able to show us as we are ahead of the other, inability to manifest our fears, defects and limitations and feel that we do not accept other or not we are accepted as we are.
- Poor communication: unimportant discussions often escalate into fights with strong accusations, critics, abuse, or reminders of past hurts. Give words or actions more negative content that gives them that says or does.
- Sexual relations are overly routine and predictable, physical contact generally has considerably decreased, not only intercourse, Passion has been disappearing and there is no difference between a relationship of siblings or friends and our union.
- life projects remain without common elements and even divergent, doubts the next step of commitment, discrepancies in the desire to maintain the union or think often separated
- Gratifying stimuli are very low and there are high unpleasant exchanges. There are more things that separate us, that that unite us.
- One or both partners, you felt with some intensity and for a considerable time, dissatisfaction, distress or suffering.
- We fail to deal with some specific situations, such as: jealousy, infidelity, maladjustment against changes in life, conflicts with political families and origin, with children, economic, sexual problems and we can not live "nor, nor without the other ".
It is meeting the need we have couples which arise discrepancies and conflicts, These depend on how we manage the journey of our life with the person we love is a wonderful adventure to remember and recount or must be canceled and forgotten prematurely. But nowhere it is written, that on that trip, we can not stop to ask for directions or live a thousand and one incidents that do not make it an extraordinary experience.